Thursday, December 31, 2009

گریه

صدای پرواز بالهایم را
سکوت تیره ی باران گرفت
و کبوترها گم شدند در مرواریدهای سیاه
فراتر از چشم ماه و چشم زهره

اندر خم کوچه ی دور از هم زبانان
نفس هایم گم شدند و فردایم ناپدید شد
شاید روزی دیگر سر از نهان زند
این آرمیده ی بی سخن بی نشان

در ظلمت بسی سپیدیست، گهی در شب
در کنار گوشه ی نگاهم زمزمه ی طلوع میکند
از زیر کرسی گرم و ابرهای ابریشمی
گاهی مهتاب بدون فریاد صدا میکند

در حیاط خانه ای بی حیاط
در صفای خانه ای بی صفا
پشت اخمها و لبخند های آفت دار
شاید اشکی و دو از روح روان شود به شیار جوی آب کوچه

تخت طاووس و شکوفه را فراموش کرده ام
شاید که فردایم ز دیروز پر شود
رنگها را رویت و نور را لمس میکنم
...و میدانم بدون قرمز، آبی گریه خواهد کرد

Friday, December 25, 2009

Monday, December 14, 2009

Duh!


God Doesn't fuck us. He doesn't really need to.
He just hands us the Dildo and lets us do it to ourselves.
And then he watches and records it for further viewing pleasure.
God probably runs a Porno industry.
Wonder who he sells the goods to though... hmm... other gods?
The milky way probably came to existence when he ran out of napkins while watching the stuff.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

>_>

We are the afflicted
The Fallen
And the Wounded.
We are born into seperateness.
suffering.
and eternal longing.
our salvation lies not in the things of this world
but that is where we seek it.
for to do otherwise would tank the economy,
and then we'd be really screwed.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Of Erections...

Omg. I haven't gotten horny for about 2 weeks now! I think I've blown a fuse or something.
Or Maybe I'm dying.
Or Maybe I have testicular cancer.
WAKE UP GOD DAMN YOU! WAKE UP! *Khdish!* *Khdish!*
Dude... seriously.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Well...


Look at this world. It's a fucked up mess. Children hating parents, parents hating each other, Sisters hating brothers, brothers hating sisters, husbands hating wives, wives hating husbands, everybody scattering around like a bunch of flies.
What the fuck.
What happened to the simple times? When there was a thing called family? Spending warm nights at home talking to your family in front of the TV or just plain sharing a show together. laughing together, feeling together.
I've never had much of those even in my earlier days of childhood. But I still remember my family having certain bonds and ties which never seemed to brake. Not then, and not in the future. But somehow so many of them have. It's a wasteland now. It's everybody's fault.
I'm sorry to say that things really don't get better. Once you sever a synapse, you pretty much better forget about putting it back together. And this is a whole house of cards crumbled to the ground.
What does the future hold? god knows. I'd be lying if I said I'm not scared. because I am. But you never know what lies at the end of a corner. A whole new era awaits. It may be a little more gray and bitter, but hey... life's a bitch and if there's one thing that living in this shit new world teaches us all, is that the only thing we can do is cope and keep up the hope.
Or whatever's left of it anyway.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Leonard's Night


Here's a little something I dug up from an old file. Wow. I had forgotten all about it. I remember this being a little story I wanted to put on my "2tadige" blog. But I thought nobody would either care or understand it because my posts mostly served as filler material until His Majesty "Lohrasp", the king of all pimps posted something. :-L

Leonard sat alone in his dim-lighted room. The florescent kiss of the moonlight lamp was hugging the air around him. Everything looked much paler and bluer than normal. Especially the six-shooter in Leonard's left hand. The wooden chair he was sitting on squeaked like a sick little rat trying to gnaw its own heart out. He thought how comical it would be if the chair broke from underneath him and let him fall to the ground with a big Thump. It never happened. He might have forgotten his motives if it had. but it didn't.
His breath was constant and mechanical. He felt thirsty. like there was weed growing in his throat and they needed water. He swallowed with pain but the spit wouldn't even reach beyond the end of his tongue. The ringing in his head was getting louder by the minute. He had to do this if he was sure about it. He wasn't sure about it. He thought he was the morning he woke up and loaded the gun with the bullets he had hidden under his mattress. He knew his target. He knew how to use the gun. He knew he had a responsibility to end what he had the power to end. But his finger wouldn't budge. As if it were cut off by volunteering itself.
He didn't move. the chair still squeaked underneath him. He didn't hear the ring anymore. He dropped the pistol and buried his aching head inside the palm of his sweaty hands and whispered to himself something about streams and waterfalls. He remembered a quick cut of a dream he had the last night. It was about these magic glasses that would enable him to grow wings and fly whenever he wore them. Or something like that. It was beautiful. He was sure it was the most beautiful dream he had ever had in his whole life.
Leonard got up from the chair and walked to the kitchen sink. Turned on the tap and buried his face inside the stream of pouring water. He felt the water rub away on his face and he felt his face go numb as the water got colder and colder. And then he imagined he's flying high up in the air. wearing his magic glasses.
Flying like an eagle in the innocent glory of the bright blue early morning sky. far away from the noise. far away from the world he grew in. far away from the pains and miseries of being a human living amongst other human beings.
It was beautiful. But he didn't forget to take his pistol with him.
Just in case.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

ماجرای خرید سنگ قبر پدر خدا بیامرزم از حاجی مرزداران مرده شور

قسمت دوم
" شما عزیزم غلط میکنی به من زنگ میزنی وقتی از قابلیت بنده بی خبرین! اوکی پیلیز؟ خدافظ جونم !"
تا رسیدم دم در مغازه اش جرات نکردم وارد دکونش بشم تا اینکه حداقل یک ساعت از این دعوای تلفنی و کوبیدن گوشی اش بر زمین بگذرد. اول تصمیم گرفتم برگردم بروم و به خاله بگم مغازه اش را بسته بود اما ترسیدم گندش در بیاد پس رفتم یک دور زدم و متن روی چند تا از سنگ قبرهای چیده شده و آماده جلوی محوطه مغازه را خواندم. روی یکی از آنها نوشته بود "خداحافظ عزیزم." یکدفعه از پشت سرم صدای یک نفر اومد. "بیچاره زن یه بازاری اصفونی بود. مرتیکه انتر پانصد تا زمین و ملک و ماشین داره بعد تا فهمید که هر چی کلمه و حکاکی روی سنگ بیشتر باشه قیمتش بالاتر میره گفت همینو روی ارزونترین سنگم بنویسم. مرتیکه دیوس. ایشالله میتشو خودم میشورم. یه تیکه چوب هم همچین یواشکی بکنم اون موقع تو کونش که تو اون دنیا هم آخش در بیاد!"
واقعا نمیدانستم چی جوابشو بدم. یک لبخند ناراحت و مضطرب بهش زدم و از ارواح جد و آباد و نیاکان ذلیلم خواستم که عاقبت رو بخیر کنن. "کاری داشتید با من که الان یه ربعه بیرون مغازه بنده پرسه میزنین؟ گم شدین یا آمدید شکار شترگاوپلنگ؟"
"نه نه! من آمدم سفارش سنگ بدم. برای پدرم. خانم ملوکی منو فرستاده. چند سال پیش برای همسرشان از خود شما سنگ گرفته بودند."
"به به! خانم ملوکی! چه عجب از اینطرفا! خوبه اقلا خودش اینطرفا آفتابی نمیشه آشناشو میفرسته برامون! هوای کاسبیمونو داره!" دوباره یک لبخند با اضطراب و زورکی دیگه محض رضای خدا زدم. می ترسیدم اگر آن لبخند را هم نزنم چوبی که برای سوراخ آن آقای اصفهانی کنار گذاشته بود را بیرون بیاورد و بجایش وارد کون بنده کند.
قیافه اش بیشتر به قصابها و لوتی ها میخورد تا کسی که قبلا مرده شوری میکرده و الان هم سنگ قبر میسازد. کسی که نصف بیشتر عمرش را با نعش و مرده میگذراند بعید است که اینقدر پر از حرارت و جوش و خروش باشد. من که سالی یکبار بهشت زهرا می آمدم چنان روی روحیه و جانم اثر میگذاشت همچین افسرده میشدم که انگار خود عزرائیل با بیلش بالای سرم وایستاده چه برسد به کسی که اینجا زندگی میکند! اما خوب، آنگونه که فکر میکردم از آب در نیامده بود. به خودم و آن خاله بی پدر مادرم یک فحش خواهر مادر چرب و چیلی دادم. او هم از بین این همه پیامبر تالاپی انداخته و جرجیس را انتخاب کرده بود!
"حالا خدا بیامرزه! چند سالش بود پدر؟ "
"تقریبا هفتاد و پنج."
"تقریبا؟"
"آخه دو هفته بعدش تولدش بود."
"آخی! حیوونکی!"
بعد ناگهان رو به آسمان کرد و عین نعره فیل فریاد زد "ای جز جیگر بزنی عزرائیل! ای اونجای ننت! اونجای آبجیت!"
موهای روی تنم سیخ شد. آرزو میکردم که اشتباهی آمده باشم سراغش. آرزو میکردم که شاید اسم مغازه اش را اشتباه نوشته بودم و یکی دو پلاک بالا پایین رفته بودم. دوباره تابلوی مغازه را نگاه کردم. "حکاکی و سنگ قبر اعلای مرزداران". نخیر. اشتباه نکرده بودم. کاش کرده بودم. کاش بجای پلاک بیست و سه خونده بودم سی و دو و یک جای دیگر میرفتم.
"پسر عجل آدما وقتی میرسه خیلی چیز عجیبیه! متوجهی؟ دیروز اومدن یه خانواده برای پسر بیست و پنج سالشون یه سنگ قبر سفارش بدن. گفتم ای نامردا! چی شده؟ این جوون مملکت دیگه چرا؟! با داد و شیون ننه اش گفت یه پیکانی بی شرف تو خیابون زد زیرش کرد اما زنده موند. اومد که بلند شه از جاش یه وانت هم اومد از روش رد شد! میبینی تورو جون من؟ آخه این یعنی چی؟ هان؟ بگو دیگه لامسب!"
با بغض حرف میزد. مثل اینکه قبلا یکی بهش پول داده بود که مثل مداحان بیاید و اشک تمساح مرا دربیاورد. دوباره کمی دور خود مثل زنجیری ها چرخید و تا آمد دستهایش را رو به آسمان کند و دوباره عربده بکشد سریع پریدم وسط معرکه گرفتنش و گفتم "خوب، حالا من متنی که قرار است روی سنگ حکاکی شود را آورده ام. فقط مانده سنگ را انتخاب کنم دیگه نه؟"
ساکت شد و به من نگاه کرد. فکر کنم دو سه دقیقه ای مات و مبهوت من شده بود. مثل اینکه از چشماش میخواست خون بپاشد بیرون. پریده بودم وسط موعضه اش و زنجیره صحبت و افکارش را پاره کرده بودم. چشمم یکی دوبار سیاهی رفت و آمد. مثل سگی که ببر دیده باشد ترسیدم. شاشم گرفت و شروع کردم به یه پا دو پا کردن. اما ناگهان رویش را کرد بسمت مغازه اش و شروع کرد به راه رفتن به سمت آن. "باشه. بیا تو انتخاب کن."
فکر کنم این حقیقت که از طرف خاله نیره ام آمده بودم جانم را نجات داده بود. هر چی فحش در ذهن خودم به او داده بودم را پس گرفتم و رله کردم بسمت مثانه بی پدرم که داشت میترکید و دنبالش به داخل مغازه رفتم. داشتم از زور شاش بالا میاوردم.


T.B.C.D....maybe.

Friday, October 9, 2009

On Irony

Irony. It haunts me everywhere I go. It's like a seamless phantom following my every footstep and overshadowing my shadow and besting my actions through its counter actions and reactions. It's a spider's web. And I'm the little moth.
I don't stand a chance.
Every time it strikes it taunts me. It pulls me deeper into the venomous tentacles of the hunting spider. The arachnid, sucking my blood dry. It feels like I'm in a play or a book. even a newspaper column could describe it. Maybe it's an irony in itself that the infinite possibilities I dream of serve as nothing but a paragraph printed on a piece of paper, overlooked because it's written right next to the astrology column.
Irony. My nemesis. I feel powerless compared to it. how can I control the very fabric of destiny? or is it really destiny?
How do you kill irony?

Friday, September 18, 2009

Skit


We all leave
and All that is left of us.
is a piece of paper
in a slim glass display
Or sometimes wood
All the memories
All the tears
All the laughters
All the feelings
All that we were
And All the infinite possibilities
Trapped inside two dimensions
of slowly decomposing paper



Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A Harmless Little Love Story


Karen.
My Karen. I met you by accident. But the way I fell head over heels for you, it was more like destiny. If there's one thing mathematics has taught me, it's that there's always a chance. No matter how the night sky brims with dark matter, you'll always be able to find a star, even in Vegas.
"Why do you always walk like you're in such a hurry?" she asked me every other day when we used to go for a walk in the park. seek shelter from the burning inferno that was sun. like vampires. grim, pale white vampires. That's what we were. "I'm just like that." I'd answer back.
-"One day you're gonna pass right by me and keep going until you turn around and see that I've been left behind."
"Don't worry, baby. I'll never leave you behind."
My sweet, good looking, sweet smelling Karen. Her favorite game was truth or dare. My least favorite game. It only felt good when I got her to dare and got her into bed. She never told me about her father. A scarred mind in Vegas, doesn't stay in Vegas.
the other day I felt something squirming up my ankle. A big fat cockroach. It snack out of the bear bottle she trapped it in. little bastard. I shook it off and she screamed as it ran scared towards her. But she wasn't scared. she was just playing. My beautiful, playful Karen.
When your car brakes down in the middle of highway 74, the only thing you can hope for is either a miracle, or an easy death. The heat was rising from the hot sands like the Devil himself and it was like the sun was trying to murder us with a dull jackknife. Karen didn't care though. She was just fine. Just resting up her feet on the dashboard of the car and trying to listen to the wind howling through the empty desert. I thought she's fainted from the heat. She just fell asleep.
Her stomach was growing. but she still looked beautiful. All this time and we never realized. Blue meant positive but Karen liked blue better so we decided that blue means we're still free.
We were before the puking and headaches started. I wasn't scared. She wasn't scared. We just couldn't believe anything yet. we were like confused mules who had lost their masters.
After shooting the six shots I had promised her we checked into the motel room. it wasn't shabby. We could have afforded more with the money I had with me but I figured that one night isn't going to kill anybody. the room had a neon green light to it. like there was a big, lush greenhouse hidden somewhere in the bathroom. We thought about the color green. then we thought about the color blue. Blue meant positive.
-"I wish mom could see this."
Karen never talked about her mother either. I found that another way to get her into bed when we played truth or dare.
The gurney was dripping with blood as it bashed and bashed through spring doors in St. Joseph's hospital. The doctors looked like monsters and one of the nurses looked like my mother.
-"What's wrong with her?!"
-"Internal hemorrhage. Please wait outside."
We talked about a lot of things that night in the "greenhouse motel". She didn't want a baby. She didn't want the responsibility. She didn't want to loose her freedom. She still wanted to close her eyes and see blue horizons. My beautiful Karen. "I hate blue now. I fucking hate it." I caressed her as strongly as I could. I dried her tears with my fingers. We just lay there and listened to the mockingbirds singing in the bathroom. That night I dreamt I was the first astronaut to land on the sun. I felt sick. I threw up and then the damn mosquitoes didn't let me sleep till morning.
-"We... uh... took the scissors out. and... err... there... but there was severe bleeding. We did all we..."
I woke her up gently. Gave her the water bottle and told her to take a sip. The sky was cloudless. She said she loves that color but she also likes rain. She said there never was a lot of rain in Vegas. "God damned Vegas".
She seemed so happy. Karen. My beautiful Karen whom I had promised a cottage in the distant hills behind the forests. Our very own wooden home with a little fireplace and an antique rifle hanging above the chest drawer. It was going to be perfect.
-"We can do it. We can do anything together. can't we?"
-"Baby, I'd scale mountains for you, that's what I'd do."
Her white, glimmering teeth. The smell of her strawberry breath. they never failed to help me sleep and forget my troubles.
-"I love stargazing. It makes me feel so... special. It's like looking for my home planet. I know it's somewhere out there."
One of the Motels we spent a night or two in had a little roof on top. We could climb up the emergency staircase and just lay there until we fell asleep. Karen was always happy when she was herself.
Karen was happy.
-"I can't keep it in me... I can't. I... I'm too young! I'm just not ready for this I swear I'm just not ready for this! Please don't let me have this baby. please!"
- "I'm so sorry, sir. We just couldn't stop the bleeding. the scissors... they were... lodged too deep inside her... umm... I'm sorry."
Me? I wasn't scared. I just sat there and lit a cigarette. took a good long look at the nurse who looked my mother. She came over and took my name and made me sign a bunch of papers.
I walked out of the hospital. I got on my car. I drove and drove until I reached Highway 74.
I stopped and turned off the car. I scooted over to the passenger's seat and put my feet up on the dashboard and stared up at the cloudless, blue sky. I didn't care about the color.
I was just waiting for the first star to start shining in the quiet, dim nightly sky.
I'm going to name it Karen and I'm going to watch it until I fall asleep.

The End of a harmless, worthless little love story. Sorry if it was shitty. It's 1:30 AM. I have to go to work tomorrow at 7 and I just had to get this off my chest for some reason.

Goodnight.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Interview with Hamed Taleghani about Termie's Next Project

Hello everyone! back here with an exclusive schizophrenic interview with myself! This time it's about my solo music project "Termie" whose album sold 10000000000000 all over the galaxy (of limbo).

Hi Hamed!
Hi.
Congratulations on your best selling album "Ergonomic Assassins"!
thanks
So What's next with Termie? Are you working o nthe next album?
Well... sort of. I just gave out a little EP called "The Crack in My Eye". It was supposed to be my next album but I thought it's not going to work for a full length and it also didn't have the feel I was going for, you know?
What kind of feel?
Well I want to make my next album very personal. emotionally. Ergonomic Assasins was me playing with software and stuff but I rarely concentrated on conveying my true inner feelings. only 3 or 4 songs are like that.
wow. And we thought they were all killer!
they are. they're just not that deep emotional me.
So what's your next album gonna be called and when can we expect it?
I think its name will be "The Fairyland Bastard". The cover art will be by the one and only Milad Taleghani. (hi there! Yes indeed.) And it should probably be ready by... let's say christmass?
So.....
Ok that's enough. fuck off.
oh... ok T-T...........

Saturday, September 5, 2009

ماجرای خرید سنگ قبر پدر خدا بیامرزم از حاجی مرزداران مرده شور

سر ساعت 12 نصفه شب نفسش بند آمد و مرد. از صدای گریه و شیون مادرم فهمیدم که بالاخره تمام کرد. مثل اینکه قلبشو کوک کرده بود دقیقا وقتی که ساعت پاندول دار توی راهروی خانه (که کادوی عروسی نصیر خان برادر مادرم برای آنها بود) آخرین زنگش را زد یکبار دیگر آن صدا را بشنود و بعد برود. من توی آشپزخانه مشغول زور زدن با در یک نوشابه بودم که لامسب خیال باز شدن نداشت که نداشت. آخرش هم که تا آمدیم زهرمار کنیم صدای جیغ مادرم از اطاق خواب پدرم آمد. حالا زیاد کاری ندارم که بعدا چه دردسرها که نکشیدیم با پزشک قانونی و مادرم که با هم دعوایشان شده بود که بالاخره پدرم سه شنبه فوت کرد یا چهارشنبه.
بهر حال خاله نیره مادرم را راضی کرد که قبول کند که همان چهارشنبه فوت کرده و دعوا کردن سر وقت وفات مردگان شگون ندارد. ما هم قبول کردیم دعوایی هم نداشتیم.
از قضا نمیدانم چه شد و چه ماه و فلکی در کدام آسمان در کنار هم چیده و تافته شدند و رقم بر قسمت ما زدند که خاله نیره و مادرم و دوتا خواهرهایم با هم به این نتیجه و استدلال رسیدند که چون من تنها پسر مرحوم هستم باید بروم و ترتیب کارهای بهشت زهرا و سفارش سنگ قبر پدرم را بدهم. البته سعی کردم به آنها بفهمانم که من اگر از این کارها بلد بودم خبر مرگم تا قیمت کمی مناسب است برای خودم یک چاله در بهشت زهرا پیدا میکردم تا دو روز دیگر اگر مردم فرزندانم میت بنده را داخل جوب نیاندازند و بگویند پول قبر نداشتیم اما گوش شنوا کجا بود؟ کلی حرص خوردم و با خواهرام دعوام شد. زورم به هیچکی نرسید. قرار شد سه شنبه هفته بعد عازم بهشت زهرا شوم. خاله نیر برای شوهر خدابیامرزش از یکی از سنگ فروشان آن طرفها سنگ خریداری کرده بود و از جنس و کیفیت حکاکی اش راضی بود. من هم قرار شد بروم سراغ همان حاج آقا مرزداران.
هنوز یک ماه نشده بود که تصدیق رانندگیم را گرفته بودم که پدر فوت کرد. یادمه اولین بار که با جعبه شیرینی تصدیق تازه ام به خانه آمدم پدرم آنجا ایستاده بود و از پنجره به بیرون خیره شده بود. مادرم داشت سبزی پاک میکرد. گفتم سلام. هر دو بی حال جواب سلامم را دادند. پدرم از روی عکس العمل برگشت و نگاهی به من انداخت و تا جعبه شیرینی را دید گفت دهه! چه خبره؟ فارغ التحصیل شدی باباجان یا تولد مامانته؟
لبخند گرم ولی مصنوعی داشت. همیشه لبخندهایش اینطوری بودند: گرم اما بی حال و زورکی. گفتم نه بابا! یادتون رفته امروز کجا رفته بودم از صبح؟ موسسه رانندگی ام! بالاخره تصدیقمونو گرفتیم!
مادرم با لبخند از جا بلند شد و به طرفم آمد و دو طرف صورتم را ماچ آبدار کرد و با ذوق گفت آفرین عزیز دلم! ایشالا حالا بابات برات یه ماشین میخره. مگه نه اسی؟
پدر هنوز همان نگاه گرم و لبخند ژوگوند خود را حفظ کرده بود و با اینکه هم من و هم مادرم احساس کردیم که می خواهد دیر یا زود شاید بزند زیر قولش و طبق معمول بگوید که پول ندارد و خرج زندگی بالا رفته و غیره، اما باز هم حالتمان را حفظ کردیم و جعبه شیرینی را باز کردم و هر کدام یکی دو تیکه برداشتیم و خوردیم. پدرم گفت مبارکه باباجان. ایشالا یه چیزی برات دستو پا میکنیم.
داشتم تعریف میکردم، بالاخره روزها گذشت و کفن و دفن و مراسم عزاداری هم بخوبی و خوشی و آبرومند انجام شد. البته هنوز ماشینی در کار نیست ولی همان ولووی قدیمی نارنجی رنگ پدرم که وقتی پس از تحصیلاتش در فرنگ با قسط و زور خریداری کرده بود هنوز راه میرفت و با اینکه خجالت میکشیدم در این دوره زمانه با آن پیت حلبی در خیابان رانندگی کنم ولی چاره ای نداشتم و با همان عازم بهشت زهرا شدم. کلی زجر کشیدم تا بالاخره رسیدم. نگرانی از اینکه نکند ماشین ناگهان جوش بیاورد یا خراب شود یا وسط جاده و بیابان کوفت و زهرمارش بگیرد بکنار، برایم این موضوع غریب بود که با ماشین خود مرده داشتم می رفتم برایش سنگ قبر تهیه کنم. نمیدانستم از تعجب بخندم یا سوت بکشم یا آواز بخوانم چون نمیدانم چرا هر چه زور میزدم گریه ام نمی آمد.

To Be Continued.... Maybe.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Digging up graves


I was looking through an old CD with some of my old computer's backup files and I found a little log file which had a few lines of some chats I had with a girl I used to know (and love, at a point). It was like I got thrown back into time and space and remembered bits and pieces (good and bad) about what happened between us.
It was full of happy and sad moments. we talked about so many things. personal and not so personal. we used to play this game where one of us closed his eyes and the other would try to send a color pattern to the other's mind through telepathy. It was so much revealing and fun (when it actually worked and our guess was correct.) Oh so many things I'm not going to bother and think about all over again.
It made me shiver. I don't know what to feel. I didn't know what to feel then. maybe a blind sense of passion and love was all I hung unto. I don't know. I can't care anymore. But it's like pushing aside your sleeve and looking at old wounds. Now just barely visible, but still there. right in front of you like it was the first day you cut them open and blood gushed out like there's no tomorrow. how did everything happen so quickly?
What the hell even happened?
I don't know. I can't remember. I just can't remember anything. I feel like I've forgotten so many crucial moments of my life.

I'm even forgetting her face. What she looked like. her voice. (her voice is hard to forget though. It's all I ever had from her in a long time)
Maybe this CD will go in the trash tomorrow. maybe not.
Moving on is hard. But what else are we supposed to do in the end?

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Age of Depression Has begun


Hope there's someone
Who'll take care of me
When I die, will I go

Hope there's someone
Who'll set my heart free
Nice to hold when I'm tired

There's a ghost on the horizon
When I go to bed
How can I fall asleep at night
How will I rest my head

Oh I'm scared of the middle place
Between light and nowhere
I don't want to be the one
Left in there, left in there

There's a man on the horizon
Wish that I'd go to bed
If I fall to his feet tonight
Will allow rest my head

So here's hoping I will not drown
Or paralyze in light
And godsend I don't want to go
To the seal's watershed

Hope there's someone
Who'll take care of me
When I die, Will I go

Hope there's someone
Who'll set my heart free
Nice to hold when I'm tired


Saturday, July 11, 2009

Barstool

One of the most painful moments in your life comes when you find out about the fact that people have much more important things to do in their lives than think about you.
We stick together in groups and communities and get drunk and high to forget what we are: Alone.
Maybe if we were always high or drunk this world would be a better one. 
Because only then people would indulge to care about the other person's life and problems. I mean, we all need a good listener sometimes, don't we?


sober people are so fucking boring.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Alpha


When they found your body
Giant X's on your eyes
With your half of the ransom
You bought some sweet, sweet, sweet
Sweet sunflowers
And gave them to the night 
Underneath the star of David
A hundred years behind behind my eyes
And with my half of the ransom
I bought some sweet, sweet, sweet
Sweet sunflowers
And gave them to the night 

Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet sunflowers
And gave them to the night


Low - Sunflowers - What we lost in the Fire 

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Interview with Calip's "Father calipo" about their next album


Hello everyone! This is Spinmusic.com in association with Metal Hammer and Kerrrrrang! magazine bringing you the exclusive interview with Father Calipo, The vocalist of the multi-platinum selling band: CALIP! 
We've come here to their studios in Calipfornia to ask just a few questions about their latest album: "We Fully Support Child Abuse"!

-Hello Father Calipo! How are you today?
- Good.
- OK! straight to the questions then! Just how different is your new album from the last ones?
- Well, Brian...
-Uhhh... I'm steve. 
- fuck you. shut up! Let me talk.
- OK OK.
- As I was saying, Brian, We've been in some kind of a void of emptyness and nothingness in terms of inspiration for our next album. We were of course so tired from our tours and concerts for Calipfornia which hit platinum in just 3 days but we wanted to do more. Me and Mad Momo did a little side project which was more electronica than metal which also did pretty good and it was #1 in charts for 2 weeks straight.
- oh yes! Cockroaches on Acid!
- Shut up! Yes. We are going to rest the electronic shit for now of course and make more metal petal because it's fuckin' A! it's time we gave out another album. our EP "Eshkene" was also a very good sell and people loved the songs and we are trying to follow our formula of successful song writing in this album too.
- So why is the title of the album that?
- Because I kill my mother.
- .... uh.... ok... well. Tell me more about the musical themes of this album. Is this gonna be your heaviest album yet?
- well I don't think so. I mean Calipfornia and Eshkene EP were pretty vahshi and this time I think we're trying to relax a bit and do some songs that make sense or at least have some rhythm. But you'll definitely hear some songs which are very heavy and will fuck your ear like a little bastard dog.
- Awesome. And when are we going to see the album on store shelves?
- well since many major labels including Metal Razor, Bloodbath, Roadrunner, Sony, Warner Brothers, Metal Blade and etc. want to sponsor our album and be our label, maybe it'll take some time to get through the legal shit, you know? but the song recording will start very soon and we shall finish in 1 day. maybe 2 at most. 
- you say many major labels want to sponsor you. Which one has made the most offer to you?
- I can't say for legal reasons.
- ok then can you tell us how much was the maximum offer you got?
- 2$.
- WOW! awesome! One last question. how are the band doing right now? are they ready for a new album and kick some ass?
- I think Khashkhash khabaloo is dead. I have to check. He hasn't answered his phone for 2 weeks and there's the smell of dead carcass coming from his apartment door. I think we have to break the door down to get in there. Mad Momo is ready I think. He's starting a new band called "Pain Inducer" but the songs for his band aren't finished so whatever for now. Mr. Drummer is also good. He is getting his PHD degree in Atomic fusion next month. We hate his guts. 
- OK! I guess that wraps it up! thank you very muuch for having a little chat with us Father Calipo! We hope to hear from you and your ground breaking next album pretty s...
-Shut up!

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Baby Story (Part 2)

NO MORE!! 
LMAO!



Fuck off.

Baby Story (Part 1)

AKHEEEEEEEY! BABY KOOCHOOLOO!!
NAZI NAZI BOO BOO BOO!
GHANDE ASAL! SHIKAR SHIKAR!
KARE PANIR! 
GOOZH GOOZH GOOZH GOOZH GOOLI GOOLI GOOGOOLIIIIIIIII!!!! :) :X

Friday, June 26, 2009

If it weren't for your beautiful eyes...


- ...I would have gotten over your fucking whore ass ages ago. 
- I can't believe you just said that.
- What do you think I'd say about you? 
- ... I don't know. I have my charms.
- And you have so many flaws too.
- You do too.
- Yes but I don't shove them so far up my ass that I wouldn't even recognize myself in the mirror.
- Do you think I'm like that? That I don't know who I am?
- Yes... I... I don't know.
- You know sometimes I think about stuff.
- stuff?
- yes. About what exactly we're doing here every once in a while. exchanging looks and thoughts and hellos and Goodbyes. What is this anyway?
- oh! well that's nice. You've just begun to think about all these things? hah! welcome to my fucking 6 years ago. 
- ...!
- .....
- I... uh... I don't think this is going to work either way I mean
- Yeah I know. believe me I know it. But every single time I listen to a love song I can't get you out of my...
- stop it. I don't need to hear this. we're not even close enough to talk about our formal lives so much as our personal ones.
- ... I know.
- good.
- I just wish I could get you out of my head and get on with my life, you know? this is torture for me. This is me with a giant hole in the middle and you punching it even deeper every time I see you around here.
- I don't think I ever punched a hole there. You're doing it to yourself.
- Why did you happen to me? how did this... this become the most complicated issue in my life?
- I guess you have a really shallow, sad life then. I barely know your name and you think I'd be interested in y...
- Well I know YOUR name and It's etched so damn deep inside my mind that I can't even
- It's not my fault that you're obssesed with me. That's all I'm saying. 
- ....yes... you're right.
- just... just get over me, you know?
- If it weren't for your beautiful eyes... I would have gotten over your fucking whore ass ages ago.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

LIPO


The Skin... The skin is my enemy...

Friday, June 12, 2009

Ok the election's over


Time to talk about more awesome stuff....



LIKE BLOODY FUCKING GORE!!!!!!!!!!! YES YES YES YES!!!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! <3



Awesome.     -_-

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

موج سبز یا تخلیه روانی؟


امروزه در کشورمان با صحنه های عجیبی روبرو میشویم. در مملکتی که حتی تا چندی پیش به مو و روسری مردم اشکال میگرفتند و محدودیتهای بیشماری قایل میشدند، شاهد مراسم خیابانی شادی و رقص و طرب میباشیم. جوانان (و تقریبا فقط جوانان) با دستبندها، هدبندها، روسری ها و مانتوهایی به رنگ سبز جلوی اتومبیلهای در حال رفت و آمد را میگیرند و با فریاد "موسوی! موسوی!" به آنان نظر و رای خود را قاطعانه اعلام میکنند. با خودم فکر کردم با اینکه این صحنه ها بسیار جالب و کم نظیر (حداقل در ایران کنونی) میباشد، اما احساس میکنم که چنین اتفاقها و جنبش های جوانان را قبلا جایی دیده ام و نه فقط یکی دوبار بلکه ده ها بار. آه بله، هرگاه تیم ملی فوتبال ایران یک مسابقه مهم را برنده میشد یا به مرحله بالاتر صعود میکرد یا چهارشنبه سوری های هر سال که حتی نیروهای انتظامی نیز نمیتوانند جلوی تلاطم و مراسم جوانان را بگیرند. آیا خیلی از این مراسم و جشن های کارنیوالی بهانه ای اند که جوانان سرکوب شده ایرانی وجود پر انرژی خود را به دولتمردان نشان داده و به این طرز عقده ها و کمبودهای اجتماعی خویش را حتی برای یکی دو روز هم که شده جبران و تراوش کنند و آیا این "موج سبز" نیز جزوی از این برون دهی کمبودهاست یا واقعا مردم اینقدر ایمان به آقای میرحسین موسوی دارند؟ چرا؟
از یکی از همکاران بانکی که در آن مشغول به کارم و شنیدم که طرفدار سر و سخت آقای موسوی است پرسیدم: آیا به موسوی رای میدهید؟ گفت: بله! حتما! گفتم: چرا؟ گفت: چون تنها راه نجات مملکت اوست! کس دیگری نمیتواند این کار را انجام دهد! گفتم: اگر علاقه به اصلاح طلبی دارید آیا به گزینه دیگر خود یعنی آقای کروبی هم توجهی کرده اید؟
نیشخندی زد و گفت: گرفتی مارو؟ کروبی دیگه کی بود؟ یه آخوند مثل بقیه آخوندها! گفتم: مگر همین آقای موسوی که همگی حاضرید جان خود را برایش بدهید و ناگهان تبدیل به نظام تبلیغاتی او شده اید بخاطر اینکه آقای خاتمی حمایت کننده اوست از او دفاع نمی کنید؟ گفت: آخر خاتمی فرغ دارد. گفتم: چه فرغی؟ اگر فقط درباره آخوند بودن کسی صحبت می کنید پس فرغی ندارد. هر دو ابا می پوشند و عمامه بر سر دارند و باور های عمیق مذهبی - اسلامی دارند. آیا این تعریف آخوند نیست؟
کمی فکر کرد با خود و گفت: برنامه اقتصادی موسوی میتواند کشور را از بدبختی و تورم نجات دهد! آزادی سخن و انحلال گشت های ارشاد را بهمراه خواهد داشت و مانند زمان آقای خاتمی کشورمان دوباره جانی تازه به خود می گیرد. گفتم: آیا شما اصلا از برنامه های آقای کروبی خبر دارید که شاید او هم قصدش از برنامه های متعددی که بارها و بارها در روزنامه ها و برنامه های خود اعلام کرده همین موارد است که شما فرمودید و خیلی بیشتر؟ توسعه سرمایه گذاری داخلی و خارجی، دفاع مسلم از حقوق زنان، دفاع کامل از حقوق دانشجویی و آزادی زندانیان سیاسی که بی مورد بازداشت شده اند، برنامه سهام نفت و سرمایه دار کردن مردم از حق مسلم خود که تنها شعارهای انرژی هسته ای نمیباشد، رعایت کامل حقوق بشر، مبارزه با دخالت و دست درازی ارگانهای دولتی در همه امور کشور و ناموس و زندگی مردم، اصلاح قانون اساسی کشور برای تطابق بهتر با قوانین دمکراتیک و تجاری بین المللی، رفع تبعیض بین ادیان و فرهنگها و رفع محدودیت برای اقوام و اقشار اقلیت در استفاده از امکانات دولتی و غیر دولتی. آیا می دانید که آقای کروبی اولین شخصی است در تاریخ ایران که یک زن رابعنوان یکی از وزیران نخست خود انتخاب کرده؟ در این بیست سال که آقای موسوی غایب بودند و به اینهمه جنجال و شکنجه ها و اعدام ها و بد اخلاقی های کشور های غربی و شرقی و تحریم ها هیچ پاسخی ندادند چگونه ناگهان غیرتمند شده و وارد عرصه انتخابات شدند؟؟ در همین 20 سال که آقای کروبی با جان و روح خود و به خطر انداختن تمام سوابق خود در انقلاب سعی در طرفداری و آزاد سازی زندانیان سیاسی و خوستار رعایت حقوق دانشجویان ستاره دار شدند؟؟ آیا به این نکته ظریف دقت کرده اید که چرا پستر ها و برگه های چسبانده شده بر دیوارها و بنرهای تبلیغاتی مخصوص آقای کروبی همگی پاره شده اند و از بین رفته اند در حالی که پستر های متعدد تبلیغاتی آقای موسوی و احمدی نژاد هیچ گونه دستی نخورده اند؟ آیا این است نتیجه طرفداری آقای کروبی از آقای موسوی و آیا اگر بخواهیم عمیق تر و بدبینانه بنگریم آیا این است رفتار طرفداران بی دقت و بی فکر موسوی که در کنار طرفداران کروبی فریاد می زنند: "کروبی! موسوی! اتحاد! اتحاد!" یا حتی بدبینانه تر از این: آیا پشت پرده ای ها آقای موسوی را بجای آقای احمدی نژاد انتخاب کرده اند و ایمان دارند که او راه آقای احمدی نژاد را دنبال خواهد کرد پس راه انتخابات را برای او مساعد و راحت و تبدیل به یک مد و اقدام کورکورانه کرده اند؟"
ناگهان تعجب کرد. چرا اینگونه زنان و دختران با این بیتابی و حرارت طرفدار کاندیدایی نیستند که وزیر خود را برای اولین بار در تاریخ ایران یک زن انتخاب کرده و طرفدار کسی هستند که نه از حقوق بشر سخنی به میان آورده و اصلا درباره حقوق این قشر مهم سخنی نگفته؟ او فقط می گوید اوضاع اقتصاد خراب است و باید اصلاح گردد. خوب آفرین بر شما! اما بقیه امور کشور چه شد!؟
در همین وقت بود که او حرفی را زد که بنظر من باید از همان اول می زد و مطمئنم که خیلی دیگر از طرفداران "موج سبز" نیز همین جواب را خواهند داشت: "این همه مردم که نمیتوانند اشتباه کنند! حتما بهترین انتخاب است که همه طرفدارش هستند! کروبی رای نمی آورد. چرا رای خودم را حرام کنم؟" و همین بود جمله سرنوشت ساز.
متاسفانه ما ایرانیان کم پیش می آید که نظر شخصی داشته باشیم. عادت داریم دنباله روی یک "موج" برویم و تبدیل به یک ماهی در حال شنا بر خلاف جهت رودخانه نشویم. کارل مارکس میگوید: "ما نباید ناخودآگاه و بدون تفکر پیرو یک سلسله مراتب شویم." آیا اینگونه پیروی بی چون و چرا و برای اینکه "بقیه هم دارند این کار را انجام میدهند" مانند نوعی راه پیمایی دسته ای مرغان به سوی سلاخ خانه نمی باشد؟ البته و صد البته که بسیاری هم با بررسی کامل و دقیق برنامه های کاندیدا های مختلف به این نتیجه رسیده اند که آقای موسوی بهترین انتخاب است و دیگران نیز موظف هستند که به انتخاب آنان احترام بگذارند. اما به آنهایی که فقط بخاطر "تخلیه عقده ها" یا به بهانه ایجاد یک فضای نیمه آزاد کاذب فقط برای یکی دو هفته هم که شده اینگونه هیاهو و طرفداری های مشتعل راه انداخته اند باید عرض تاسف کنم. آنها فقط همین یکی دو شب به اینگونه شلوغی ها می پردازند و پس از انتخاب کاندید مورد نظر خود، کناره میگیرند و به انتظار پیش آمد دیگری برای ایجاد هیاهو به کمین می نشینند بدون توجه به اینکه چه کسی بر روی کار آمد. اگر هم کاندید منتخب آنها به هیچ کدام از وعده های خود عمل نکند شکایت نمیکنند و اینگونه به خیابانها نمی ریزند و از آنها بپرسند که چی شد می گویند "ما که به ایشان رای ندادیم!!"
از همه خواهش میکنم که در این چند روز بافیمانده تا انتخابات با مطالعه درست و دقیق برنامه های همگی کاندیداها با عقل و درایت و نظر شخصی خود رای را به صندوق بیاندازید و برای "مد پرستی" و پیروی از یک "موج" آینده خود را به خطر نیاندارید. 
اینجانب شخصا پس از تحقیق و مطالعه فراوان در مورد همگی کاندیداها، شخصی غیر از آقای میرحسین موسوی را انتخاب کردم. نه بخاطر اینکه بخواهم "ضد کلیشه" و "ضد موج" باشم. بلکه برای اینکه "نظر شخصی" خود را با تفکر و درایت خود بکار گیرم و آینده مملکت خود را به دست کسی که بتواند تا 4 سال دیگر آنرا به بهترین نحو از همه نظر (اقتصاد، حقوق مساوی، حقوق بشر، روابطخارجی، توسعه امور اجتماعی و فرهنگی و قانونی و غیره)اداره کند بسپارم.
آیا همین 30 سال پیش نبود که همینگونه از روی پیروی از نوعی موج و احساسات تو خالی و وعده های توهم زا مردم به خیابانها ریختند و شعار دادند و شلوغ و هلهله کردند که اکنون در این اوضاع بسرمیبریم؟!؟


متشکرم

Thursday, May 21, 2009

A taste of What's to come in Termie's new Concept Album


My dead body weighing down your troll husk
Barely striding not to sink in the mud
Legs unsure and Enemy on tail You suffer
Buried deep withing Jerusalem's soil your treasure

Keep your veil on in the narrow streets
Worshipped corpses raining under your skin
Flay and Float  for miseries untold
I am the harbinger of your sorrow

Murder Maker!
Mayhem Master!
Bloody Heretic!
perverted savior!

I Am Scum!
I Am Shit!
I Am Fucked up like your innocence!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Falling in Love with a stranger inside an elevator / Art


Sometimes the faintest spark in the most unlikely of places could change your world. Even if it's for a few seconds, hours or even days. maybe years. 
You could look at someone and say "She is the one foe me. I just know it. I can feel it in my guts." And then you'll never ever see her again in your life. So what is this "Spark"? is it just a dillusion? is it lust? Is it what we've been taught to feel from movies and soap operas? 
Each time we turn away from a path our guts tell us to follow, we burn down a tree of what could have been and all its branches. Or is there any such tree at all? Do we simply jump from the tree which we burn to another tree, also bearing several endless branches? Is there such a thing as destiny which, like a red cotton string, follows a riggid path like an intestine among these beanches, telling us whhen to jump and when to keep going?
Then we are not much more influential on our own lives as insects are. Insects make choices too and to them, it would seem like their choices are the most important in the world. influenced by our surroundings, we digest the problem and come up with a reasonable (based on how our brain works) solution.
So how different are you from a cockroach or an ant? How are any of us any better than any of the other living organisms in this world? 
My answer? We are onyl different because we We create things for pleasure. We make music, we draw paintings, we create dazzling fireworks to show our appreciation of humanity. Art. We live for enjoyment of art.
Not for God. Not for a pre-determined purpose. Not just for passing on our DNA. Not for eating, fucking or money. We live to enjoy. That is the principal of life in my opinion. 
When you create something which creates enjoyment both for you and your kind, you have created art. Therefore art has no boundaries. There is only one definition for art: What makes the human race Enjoy.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Blue Jeans & Cocaine


...Still don't know what love means.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Confused


I'm waiting, I'm standing here

I'm staying as long as I can be

Inside me, I'm crying again

because I've lost something I never gained


Tonight, It's all cold rain

And I am the thunder storm

because, I've never been heard

from the soul that I'm hiding


And now I wait,

And now I bleed,

it's all for you

whom I can't see

This is not me

I'd change for you

but I can't go back

I'm so confused


Maybe I, was too high

to recognize your signs

And even, when I looked back

I never saw you take off the mask


And inside, I'm falling

There's nothing else to hold unto

And when I, am shivering

I'll remember the things I didn't do


And now I wait,

And now I bleed,

it's all for you

whom I can't see

This is not me

I'd change for you

but I can't go back

I'm so confused


I'm so confused

I'm so confused

I'm so confused

I'm so confused...


By me

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Frozen Poetry


Oh my dearest. Even in death you stir my emotions. Even your carcass is a pure work of art! How do you do it? Tell me your secrets. What did you see? What did you hear? Such wonder. Such freedom.

Wish I had my real camera with me instead of my crappy iphone camera.
As you were... As you are.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Blabber Mouth


I'm tired of your open mouth,

Crawling inside my skin,

Endless pain we never quit,

The fight within that pride's begun,

Saying its too late,

What a man's got he'll learn to hate.



Forget the time I said I would,

Replace that with I never will,

Beyond the facts held in your face,

Ignore the facts beyond your nose,

Saying it's too late,

What a man's got he'll learn to hate.



Grow up

Now without meaning,

No response, no revealing...

Just grow up!



Wrong...

Wrong...

Wrong...

Wrong...



Chevelle - Family System - Wonder What's Next

Sunday, March 22, 2009

It Is What It Is.


Yeah I'm still the same old weak bastard who can't get over the weak spot in his heart for this girl. I just can't help it so...whatever.

It's a curse.

But I'm still here alive and well so I can't really complain can I?
Cheers.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

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Just thought about typing every single word which goes through my mind. It was hard to do since words skip very fast past my mind. But here's what my net of realization could catch:




Furnishing and tiling. Extraordinary thoughts. Simple and sometimes indigestible chronic lessons. Spontaneous scripture and progression.


Discipline through heresy. Cemetery.


Feeling Socially incapable of disconnection for lust and individuality.


Hereunder and so forth.


Lamenting hay maker and bygone elimination.


Random psychic outflows. Theatre of spring and evasive disclosure. Scissors cutting through the throat.


lines make them happy. Chilling sordidly and red comes the heat. afraid.


Hang them till they start to smell and gently make them listen to your songs. I will listen if you object.


Happily. Faithfully. Melting sun. Live bait. Lillies and margaritas. Child. Less.


of course. So beautiful. When I spread you and. Peel. no skin. Leave the eyelids alone. Knife must be sharp. good for you. I'll dig a grave. And bring flowers.


Lots of Skin. My own place. covered with stone. Heal unto orange.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Just Let It Spin, and Spin




Stone blind alibi


I will eat the lie


Find the word


Could break any spell that binds you


Prayers like ammonites


Curl beneath the lights


How i long to Bite any hand that feeds you more


Where d’it all go wrong


My friday night enfant


Where d’it all go wrong


My friday night enfant


All night busy on a line


It’s only blood on the rime


Wrecks my head every time


It leads me on
Where d’it all go wrong


My friday night enfant


Where d’it all go wrong


My friday night enfant


Tonight tonight Tonight


i'm running wild i'm running


Tonight i'm running wild i'm running


Tonight i'm running wild i'm running


Tonight i'm running wild i'm running


Tonight i'm running wild




Dedicated to Liv Tyler, A girlfriend I wish I had for some reason

David Gray- Alibi- Life in Slow Motion

Saturday, February 14, 2009

A conversation I thought of when I was high


So there's this man talking to the star of the show. The man is a poor hobo from off the streets but he's crazy and shit. He's jumpy and jittery and his mouth smells like alchohol. And the star says:

- "He can't kill us. He can only make you see things. That's all he can do."

- "No no no no.... I... you don't understand man. You don't fucking understand. Guns don't kill people. Fear of guns kills people. yeah... That's right. You see it... and bang. You're either standing... or you're not... Bang, man. That that's it..."


THE END.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

My New Album is Released


It is labeled by Nuclear Blast & Sony Music. You can find it in all major Virgin mega stores, Sony music online and Nuclear Blast online store. The current pricing is 100$.

Here are some reviews from different websites and Mags:


Metal Hammer: "...This Album may very well be the biggest industrial release since Sepultura's Roots..."


Rolling Stone: "...I can't even start comparing this music to anything I've heard before. 5/5 Stars!"


KERRRRRANG!: "...The Heavy as balls riffs and drone experience will make sure you will put your CD player on REPEAT for a very long time..."


METAL ARCHIVES ONLINE: "...Termie's Debut album Disaster will fucking rock your ass off!"


DARK MUSIC REVIEWS: "...I am still listening to this CD while writing this album and I'm thinking to myself this could very well be my fucking album of the year. 5/5"


KILL ME NOW MUSIC ONLINE: "...The riffs, the strange feeling you get when you listen to the tracks, the anatomy of the notes, the dronish industrial feeling and the overall package of great heavy music simply astonishes me like hell..."


METALISTIC!: "...Scary and heavy. Everything I need in an industrial/Experimental album..."

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Another Song I Made

It's called Suffocate. I guess you have to sing it in a Seether/Stone Sour -ish way.


I guess you can see right through me
The snow is falling and every thing's so clean
But deep inside I'm crying for you
Deep inside I'm dying for this

YOU CAN'T TAKE IT ALL FROM ME AGAIN!
I KEEP IT CLOSE TO MYSELF IN RUIN!
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO THROUGH IT AGAIN!
THESE WOUNDS WILL NOT HEAL UNTIL YOU SUFFOCATE!

Suddenly
you care for me
but it seems like you've found a puppet
endlessly
deceiving me
I can't even start to touch the subject

because the stars are spinning all around
I can see them talk and frown
all these moments gone to waste
and now you're begging to come back but

YOU CAN'T TAKE IT ALL FROM ME AGAIN!
I KEEP IT CLOSE TO MYSELF IN RUIN!
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO THROUGH IT AGAIN!
THESE WOUNDS WILL NOT HEAL UNTIL YOU SUFFOCATE!

And now I'm seeing through you
and I won't stop feeding you
this can't end like it did before
now you know how I feel

'cause now I'm seeing through you
and I won't stop feeding you
this can't end like it did before
now you know how I feel

YOU... CAN'T... TAKE... WHAT'S... MY RIGHT!
YOU... CAN'T... STAND... AND... JUST FIGHT!
YOU... HAVE... NO...THING... TO HIDE!
I CAN SEE YOUR TEARS RUNNING DOWN!

YOU CAN'T TAKE IT ALL FROM ME AGAIN!
I KEEP IT CLOSE TO MYSELF IN RUIN!
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO THROUGH IT AGAIN!
THESE WOUNDS WILL NOT HEAL UNTIL YOU SUFFOCATE!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Dark Knight review

Dear Milad,
So I just watched the movie last night and wanted to SMS you my review but it was so damn big that I kept getting errors so here it is on my blog:

as a batman film, the dark knight is the best film ever created about the caped crusader. as an action movie, it has its fair share of thrills. and as a dramatic film about a madman and a hero on the edge of what they believe in and how they collide, it's acceptable. heath ledger is the true savior of this movie and by his defiant acting (which is as far away from any kind of joker we've ever known) he is the hook by which all these concepts don't fall apart. Story-wise, I'd say that Harvey Dent's story is a touching and nicely narrated part of the film which outdoes Joker's and Batman's story. All these seperate concepts are like good food when apart from each other and disected under a microscope. but when thrown in a blender, pizza just doesn't seem to taste right with icecream on top of it. although it's still a reminder of what the delicious ingredients are. It's entertaining but too long for its own good. I found myself wishing it would end sooner than it did. It seems a lot like Chris Nolan wanted to spam the film with needless scenes because he wanted it to feel epic. or maybe the editing crew fell asleep during their jobs. Whatever the reason, The Dark Knight is a big step up from the last movie and it's a good mark for potential that the sequell will probably do things a lot better.

B+

Saturday, January 17, 2009

I am N0thing.


These are dark times in my life, and it scares me to death. I feel the clock ticking and everyone is already far beyond me in the race. I am loosing. I am loosing to nothing.

No refuge. No shelter. I only shiver when I think about it. I stand naked in the rain and wonder: "What the fuck did I do to deserve this? What the fuck did I do to be this way?"


All my dreams are being crushed before my eyes. All of Me being crushed before your eyes.


These are the darkest times in my life and there's no happy ending to this...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Yves Klein
1928-1962

Saturday, January 10, 2009

One of the Saddest songs in my life


Red wine and sleeping pills

Help me get back to your arms


Cheap sex and sad films

Help me get back where I belong


I think youre crazy, maybe

I think youre crazy, maybe


Stop sending letters

Letters always get burned


Its not like the movies

They fed us on little white lies


I think youre crazy, maybe

I think youre crazy, maybe


I will see you in the next life


Motion Picture Soundtrack - Radiohead - Kid A

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Ad Criticum Memorium on "2+2=5" by Radiohead


2+2=5

The song starts off the album. The sound of plugging in a guitar and the band members talking in the background is a superficial effect to grasp attention and adult curiosity attention. There is of course the lead singer responding to the guitar player: "It's a nice way to start, isn't it?" right after the guitar player says: "We're on." A critical luring towards the starting of the second bush administration period, some say. but it is not certain that this is true as Radiohead themselves claimed that this song isn't really about the Bush administration but as a repellent towards all dictatorship-like governments around the world which rely on their political power to create imbalance and chaos. This album chiefly believes in protesting against false elections and political tyranny hence the "Thief" instead of "Chief" in the Album heading.

The drummer starts the melody while the guitar's sound-check is mixed in and shortly after a few random albeit orderly beats, the main guitar melody starts. very delicate, with dark undertones and almost horror-themed vocals to accompany them:


"Are you such a dreamer

To put the world to rights

I'll stay home forever

Where two and two always makes a five"


the first quartet resembles an android of existence, revealing its way of life. It calls the listener who probably claims that the world needs a change from lies and deception a dreamer and criticizes him. He testifies to the fact of staying at home forever (as in a shelter and hiding place for dormant activity and universally and societal introversion existence).

It reports that at the safety and shell of its home sweet home, two and two equal five. it's an analogy of untruthfulness of what the human mind has conceived. An inequality. something wrong with the system of the governing world around them. But it seems that the android social-introvert is content with this existence. It has chosen this way as its way of ideal life.


"I'll lay down the tracks

Sandbag and hide

January has April showers

And two and two always makes a five

It's the devil's way now

There is no way out

You can scream and you can shout

It is too late now"


There's still the point of the android solidifying its existence and way of life is present here. a world beyond the 9/11 attacks where nothing adds up. Every manner and every political method and figure represent and manifest some kind of conspiracy theory by different individuals.

The android will lay down tracks and sandbag and then hide from the critical assessments of the opposing forces. the revolutionaries. Nothing is what it seems and it is very scary indeed. January has April showers and again still two plus two equal five.

the second set of quartets venture a bit towards the dramatic side and use christian (and generally religious) symbolism which tends to stick in the listeners' ears and mind. a very clever jest. It also points out that It is too late now which means that because of people's ignorance and staying at home, the balance has been toppled and undone.


Because you're not there Payin' attention

Yeah I feel it, I needed attention Payin' attention


Again, it's the singer pointing at the android beings which do not care about the outside world as long as they have their shelter and sandbags.


I try to sing along

But the music's all wrong

Cos I'm not

I'll swallow up flies?

Back and hide

But I'm not

hail to the thief


The act of rebellion against the inequality and the wrong way of life is proclaimed here. The higher powers which rule upon lies which they have created think of the common people as flies but the protester shouts that he is not that. he will not just swallow up flies, go back and hide. The album title: "Hail to the thief" is also mentioned here. The tone of the music is significantly faster and more direct and to-the-point here as until the end of the song.


Don't question my authority or put me in the box

Cos I'm not

Oh go up to the king, and the sky is falling in

But it's not


The threats and stinging of the authority is mentioned here. if they hear of any incompatibility and unhappiness. This doesn't only relate to politics and governmental issues but also the tyranny of religion (which is considered the sole and biggest contributor to human deception and sheep-like behaviour to accept anything which befalls it because a higher power (god) simply wants to). The second two lines condemn leeching unto more powerful figures to draw their attention and pity so that one can benefit from them. At exactly 2:25 in the song, the melody changes to that which the song shall end with. a silent yet haunting finale to a beautiful and mesmerising piece of modern music craftsmanship.

I recommend that you watch the music video for this song. It is also a very delicate and imaginative piece of animated artistry. Although it is very simple and primitive in graphical prowess, it is heavily symbolic and appropriate for this song.


Sunday, January 4, 2009

New Batman Story by Alan Moore


Ye rooz agha Batman mire khoone catwoman khanoom. behesh mige "khanoom 3 soote lokht sho ta bokonimet!"
khanoom pishi mige "mioo mioo! alan lokht misham pashme kosamo 3 tighe mizanam ta hal koni agha khoffashe!"
Batman mige: "woooo! khoob baladi maro hashari konia! damet garm!"
Badesh mr. batman khanoomo ta sob mikone.
bad az nim saat mige: "ei baba khanoom pussy! ma kandom nadashtim ke! hamintory kardimet!"
khanoom mige: "Eshkali nadare batman khan! abeto rikhti too dahanam! mage yadet raft be in zoodi? hahahahaha!"
Batman ham mige: "ei nagholaye kos nane! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

The End (WOWOWOWOWOWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!)