Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Awards of 2008

Here I am.
I shall give out my priceless awards to everything that pleased me this year. it shall be very short and very stupid because only Milad reads this anyway so who am I kidding. So without any due procrastination, here's my "Best of 2008" Awards.

Best Metal Album:
The Awakening by Caliban

A Rush of Blood to The Head By Coldplay

KID A by Radiohead

The Fall Directed by Tarsem


My Best Pal:

Milad (A.K.A The Master of Whores)

Voozhiman Of The Year:
Sara from Milad's University
Favorite Songs of The Year:
Chakavak By Dariush
Run by Air
Biggest Lesson Learned of the year:
Best friends can be assholes too. actually, they ARE assholes 90% of the time. You've just learned to deal with them.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Anal Sex

I guess many primate humans became extinct simply because they chose the wrong hole?

Sunday, December 21, 2008



Sunday, December 14, 2008

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


The knife was still in her hand. There was a thick red liquid still dripping down on the ground beside her bare feet. drop by drop. Her hand was wet and sticky with dried up blood. She knew she couldn't just wipe it off and she needed to take a shower. It's like she could feel some of the stuff going through her hair and down her throat and through her shirt's collar.

She looked around with a sense of cold fear and tried to organize what she was about to do. She didn't want to miss a thing. So she decided to stand there and stare down at her creation just for a bit longer. just a bit. She jumped out of her skin when she heard a little thud on the walls behind her. The neighbour's kid had hit his room's wall with a football. The muffled thud sound from behind the neighbours wall came again and it felt just as unnerving and obscene. It was noise, ruining a very important moment in her life. a milestone. Probably "THE" milestone of her life. Everything would change from that day, she guessed. She wanted it to change, didn't she? Yes. she did.

After a while the thud sound went away. The parents of the boy had forced the little bastard to go and play in the yard and not shoot around a ball in his room. he could break something valuable.

The silence was a cue for her that time had passed and she had to start the ritual. probably "THE" ritual of her life. Marriage was overrated. it didn't even remotely feel like anything like a ritual until today. When it happened it just happened and then it was over. like working in a bank. The sweat drops on the back of her neck trickled out of her skin and froze in their place. She was burning up. She was shaking.

She went to the kitchen and opened the faucet to its maximum possible capacity. it felt like she had just created a miniature waterfall inside her kitchen. it looked like that old sweet village she and her husband had gone to on their honeymoon near their hotel in Portugal. "aldea de la maravilla", they called it. "Village of wonders". She had such a great time swimming underneath the wonderful waterfall there.

She knew she had to burn her clothes. They didn't have a fireplace in her house so she pondered a bit on the subject of how to find fire and how to use it properly. She rinsed the knife clean. Washed her hands carefully and thoroughly with the dish washing liquid and put the knife in the drawer next to the dinner table, on the right, next to the over sized steak fork she never got to use because normal forks would always suffice.

She picked up the brand new mop from behind the fridge, teared away its wrapping and started mopping the floor where the blood stains were. she turned on all her lights so she could see if she'd missed a spot or not. it was all clean and shiny now. just like brand new. Then she went into their bedroom and pulled out a king-sized bed sheet out of the closet and wrapped the pieces inside it like a big candy. It was good that the sheet's color was a dark brown so gush of blood running out of the them could hardly be seen at a normal glance.
She smiled at a job well done and walked into the bathroom and put the now bloody red mop in the bathtub and turned on the hot water. That sound of pouring water. How she loved going for walks in that village whenever she had a chance. it was just a 10 minute walk from the hotel and the people there were so friendly. She'd always take her turquoise blue swimsuit with her. She knew she couldn't resist the beautiful and inviting waterfall. She loved swimming under the waterfall's down pouring stream and just close her eyes. It was like listening to god's personal symphony.

She started taking off her clothes while the bathtub was filling up with water. She took off everything and watched as the blood from the tip of the mop started oozing into the water, creating dark red shapes and ripples. one of them looked like a strawberry. She smiled at it. Her shaking was nearly gone. the sweat was now able to run down her neck, chin and face. She looked like a confused innocent plastic doll. Shiny, new and ready to be presented to the whole world once again. She just needed a shower to wash away the stains.

There were shapes all over the dancing puddle of red water. She just sat there and stared, and smiled, and dipped her fingers inside the bathtub. She felt like god: Creating, giving shape, giving life and taking it.
Maybe she'd pay a visit to "aldea de la maravilla" again some day, because it made her so sad that her husband never took her there again.

so sad.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Yes I bought it and I'm gonna try and enjoy it. Fuck you.

-WOOHOO! I GOT ME AN IPHONE SUCKAS! Go weep and die in envy you sons of bitches! HAIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!

- Dude, you got an iphone?

- Hell yeah baby! This piece of hot gadget is the key to my eternal pleasure and immort....

- Dude, You KNOW you can't send MMS with it, right?

-... yeah I know. I don't care. what's so special about sending some stupid pictures with your mobile phone anyway? This is THE IPHONE!! It's got the perfect screen for viewing images and movies! I'm gonna turn my bluetooth on! send me your highest resolution pic will ya?

- Iphone's bluetooth only works with apple's own handsfree blutooth headset. you can't send, receive or even see other bluetooth devices around you.

- What the fuck are you talking ab... OMG it's not working... IT'S NOT WORKING THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY IPHONE!!

- I thought you knew that.

- ... I... I did! I just forgot, that's all. Hey! look at me flipping my fingers on the awesome screen and the pictures and shit moving like it's a real life album I'm flipping through! isn't that fucking gorgeous? So what should I choose for my ringtone? I have a couple of MP3s here and...

- uh... bro... you can't put custom ringtones on the iphone. you can only do it if you buy one from the Apple itunes store. You can't record videos, your voice or use Microsoft office files on it.

- WHAT?! well I'm just gonna go to the internet and find a software which allows all that and then install on my iphone! That's What I'm gonna do!

- you can't.


- You can't install applications on your iphone if you haven't bought and downloaded them from Apple's application store. You have to hack it if you want to do that and god knows what the fuck they do to it when they hack it. it's gonna show the scar one way or another.

- okay...then...I'll just... flip through my pictures and listen to some music then... and uhh... send an sms or two and maybe call home with it, i guess.

- Dude, a 100$ phone can do all that plus more! Hell you can do anything with my Sony eric...

- PSHHHHPSHHSHHPSHSHSHT! Shut up man! Iphone is the SHIT! LOOK! LOOK AT MY FINGERS! Look how I move my fingers and the pictures flip like A REAL FUCKING ALBUM! LOOK AT MY FINGERS! I'm not using any buttons, oh no no no! I'M JUST USING MY FINGERS!! IT'S AMAZING! IT'S A FUCKING MIRACLE! It'S THE SHIT, MAN! IT'S IS THE FUCKING SHIT!!! WOOOOHOOOOOO!!

- ....

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Some Lyrics I made tribute to Marylin Manson


this time I'll stop at nothing

all the fucking shouting

has made me numb

I fail to see the point in walkin

away from my life

just because it's dumb

so I'm just wasting time

and wishing I could fly

like a butterfly

but my wings are torn off

and my eyes are burning

and I can hear you screaming

as my blackout starts

I'll wait and see how you control

what they put in you is not your own

you can leave but you cannot live

watching TV is your only source of thrill

so many gray points I can't count
and I don't give a fuck if you did

so many gray points I can't count
nobody gives a fuck that you did

This world has made me think in secret

keeping it all away when you feel it

and I can't seem to remember the last time

that I smiled and it wasn't meant for looking normal

three point five and omega counting

this is all and nothing

this is fucking something

This may not be my logic talking

maybe it's my cock

and it fits in your mouth perfectly

so I'll fuckin sit here and enjoy the show

I'll wait and see how you control
what they put in you is not your own
you can leave but you cannot live
watching TV is your only source of thrill

so many gray points I can't count
and I don't give a fuck if you did

so many gray points I can't count
nobody gives a fuck that you did