Friday, September 18, 2009


We all leave
and All that is left of us.
is a piece of paper
in a slim glass display
Or sometimes wood
All the memories
All the tears
All the laughters
All the feelings
All that we were
And All the infinite possibilities
Trapped inside two dimensions
of slowly decomposing paper

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A Harmless Little Love Story

My Karen. I met you by accident. But the way I fell head over heels for you, it was more like destiny. If there's one thing mathematics has taught me, it's that there's always a chance. No matter how the night sky brims with dark matter, you'll always be able to find a star, even in Vegas.
"Why do you always walk like you're in such a hurry?" she asked me every other day when we used to go for a walk in the park. seek shelter from the burning inferno that was sun. like vampires. grim, pale white vampires. That's what we were. "I'm just like that." I'd answer back.
-"One day you're gonna pass right by me and keep going until you turn around and see that I've been left behind."
"Don't worry, baby. I'll never leave you behind."
My sweet, good looking, sweet smelling Karen. Her favorite game was truth or dare. My least favorite game. It only felt good when I got her to dare and got her into bed. She never told me about her father. A scarred mind in Vegas, doesn't stay in Vegas.
the other day I felt something squirming up my ankle. A big fat cockroach. It snack out of the bear bottle she trapped it in. little bastard. I shook it off and she screamed as it ran scared towards her. But she wasn't scared. she was just playing. My beautiful, playful Karen.
When your car brakes down in the middle of highway 74, the only thing you can hope for is either a miracle, or an easy death. The heat was rising from the hot sands like the Devil himself and it was like the sun was trying to murder us with a dull jackknife. Karen didn't care though. She was just fine. Just resting up her feet on the dashboard of the car and trying to listen to the wind howling through the empty desert. I thought she's fainted from the heat. She just fell asleep.
Her stomach was growing. but she still looked beautiful. All this time and we never realized. Blue meant positive but Karen liked blue better so we decided that blue means we're still free.
We were before the puking and headaches started. I wasn't scared. She wasn't scared. We just couldn't believe anything yet. we were like confused mules who had lost their masters.
After shooting the six shots I had promised her we checked into the motel room. it wasn't shabby. We could have afforded more with the money I had with me but I figured that one night isn't going to kill anybody. the room had a neon green light to it. like there was a big, lush greenhouse hidden somewhere in the bathroom. We thought about the color green. then we thought about the color blue. Blue meant positive.
-"I wish mom could see this."
Karen never talked about her mother either. I found that another way to get her into bed when we played truth or dare.
The gurney was dripping with blood as it bashed and bashed through spring doors in St. Joseph's hospital. The doctors looked like monsters and one of the nurses looked like my mother.
-"What's wrong with her?!"
-"Internal hemorrhage. Please wait outside."
We talked about a lot of things that night in the "greenhouse motel". She didn't want a baby. She didn't want the responsibility. She didn't want to loose her freedom. She still wanted to close her eyes and see blue horizons. My beautiful Karen. "I hate blue now. I fucking hate it." I caressed her as strongly as I could. I dried her tears with my fingers. We just lay there and listened to the mockingbirds singing in the bathroom. That night I dreamt I was the first astronaut to land on the sun. I felt sick. I threw up and then the damn mosquitoes didn't let me sleep till morning.
-"We... uh... took the scissors out. and... err... there... but there was severe bleeding. We did all we..."
I woke her up gently. Gave her the water bottle and told her to take a sip. The sky was cloudless. She said she loves that color but she also likes rain. She said there never was a lot of rain in Vegas. "God damned Vegas".
She seemed so happy. Karen. My beautiful Karen whom I had promised a cottage in the distant hills behind the forests. Our very own wooden home with a little fireplace and an antique rifle hanging above the chest drawer. It was going to be perfect.
-"We can do it. We can do anything together. can't we?"
-"Baby, I'd scale mountains for you, that's what I'd do."
Her white, glimmering teeth. The smell of her strawberry breath. they never failed to help me sleep and forget my troubles.
-"I love stargazing. It makes me feel so... special. It's like looking for my home planet. I know it's somewhere out there."
One of the Motels we spent a night or two in had a little roof on top. We could climb up the emergency staircase and just lay there until we fell asleep. Karen was always happy when she was herself.
Karen was happy.
-"I can't keep it in me... I can't. I... I'm too young! I'm just not ready for this I swear I'm just not ready for this! Please don't let me have this baby. please!"
- "I'm so sorry, sir. We just couldn't stop the bleeding. the scissors... they were... lodged too deep inside her... umm... I'm sorry."
Me? I wasn't scared. I just sat there and lit a cigarette. took a good long look at the nurse who looked my mother. She came over and took my name and made me sign a bunch of papers.
I walked out of the hospital. I got on my car. I drove and drove until I reached Highway 74.
I stopped and turned off the car. I scooted over to the passenger's seat and put my feet up on the dashboard and stared up at the cloudless, blue sky. I didn't care about the color.
I was just waiting for the first star to start shining in the quiet, dim nightly sky.
I'm going to name it Karen and I'm going to watch it until I fall asleep.

The End of a harmless, worthless little love story. Sorry if it was shitty. It's 1:30 AM. I have to go to work tomorrow at 7 and I just had to get this off my chest for some reason.


Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Interview with Hamed Taleghani about Termie's Next Project

Hello everyone! back here with an exclusive schizophrenic interview with myself! This time it's about my solo music project "Termie" whose album sold 10000000000000 all over the galaxy (of limbo).

Hi Hamed!
Congratulations on your best selling album "Ergonomic Assassins"!
So What's next with Termie? Are you working o nthe next album?
Well... sort of. I just gave out a little EP called "The Crack in My Eye". It was supposed to be my next album but I thought it's not going to work for a full length and it also didn't have the feel I was going for, you know?
What kind of feel?
Well I want to make my next album very personal. emotionally. Ergonomic Assasins was me playing with software and stuff but I rarely concentrated on conveying my true inner feelings. only 3 or 4 songs are like that.
wow. And we thought they were all killer!
they are. they're just not that deep emotional me.
So what's your next album gonna be called and when can we expect it?
I think its name will be "The Fairyland Bastard". The cover art will be by the one and only Milad Taleghani. (hi there! Yes indeed.) And it should probably be ready by... let's say christmass?
Ok that's enough. fuck off.
oh... ok T-T...........

Saturday, September 5, 2009

ماجرای خرید سنگ قبر پدر خدا بیامرزم از حاجی مرزداران مرده شور

سر ساعت 12 نصفه شب نفسش بند آمد و مرد. از صدای گریه و شیون مادرم فهمیدم که بالاخره تمام کرد. مثل اینکه قلبشو کوک کرده بود دقیقا وقتی که ساعت پاندول دار توی راهروی خانه (که کادوی عروسی نصیر خان برادر مادرم برای آنها بود) آخرین زنگش را زد یکبار دیگر آن صدا را بشنود و بعد برود. من توی آشپزخانه مشغول زور زدن با در یک نوشابه بودم که لامسب خیال باز شدن نداشت که نداشت. آخرش هم که تا آمدیم زهرمار کنیم صدای جیغ مادرم از اطاق خواب پدرم آمد. حالا زیاد کاری ندارم که بعدا چه دردسرها که نکشیدیم با پزشک قانونی و مادرم که با هم دعوایشان شده بود که بالاخره پدرم سه شنبه فوت کرد یا چهارشنبه.
بهر حال خاله نیره مادرم را راضی کرد که قبول کند که همان چهارشنبه فوت کرده و دعوا کردن سر وقت وفات مردگان شگون ندارد. ما هم قبول کردیم دعوایی هم نداشتیم.
از قضا نمیدانم چه شد و چه ماه و فلکی در کدام آسمان در کنار هم چیده و تافته شدند و رقم بر قسمت ما زدند که خاله نیره و مادرم و دوتا خواهرهایم با هم به این نتیجه و استدلال رسیدند که چون من تنها پسر مرحوم هستم باید بروم و ترتیب کارهای بهشت زهرا و سفارش سنگ قبر پدرم را بدهم. البته سعی کردم به آنها بفهمانم که من اگر از این کارها بلد بودم خبر مرگم تا قیمت کمی مناسب است برای خودم یک چاله در بهشت زهرا پیدا میکردم تا دو روز دیگر اگر مردم فرزندانم میت بنده را داخل جوب نیاندازند و بگویند پول قبر نداشتیم اما گوش شنوا کجا بود؟ کلی حرص خوردم و با خواهرام دعوام شد. زورم به هیچکی نرسید. قرار شد سه شنبه هفته بعد عازم بهشت زهرا شوم. خاله نیر برای شوهر خدابیامرزش از یکی از سنگ فروشان آن طرفها سنگ خریداری کرده بود و از جنس و کیفیت حکاکی اش راضی بود. من هم قرار شد بروم سراغ همان حاج آقا مرزداران.
هنوز یک ماه نشده بود که تصدیق رانندگیم را گرفته بودم که پدر فوت کرد. یادمه اولین بار که با جعبه شیرینی تصدیق تازه ام به خانه آمدم پدرم آنجا ایستاده بود و از پنجره به بیرون خیره شده بود. مادرم داشت سبزی پاک میکرد. گفتم سلام. هر دو بی حال جواب سلامم را دادند. پدرم از روی عکس العمل برگشت و نگاهی به من انداخت و تا جعبه شیرینی را دید گفت دهه! چه خبره؟ فارغ التحصیل شدی باباجان یا تولد مامانته؟
لبخند گرم ولی مصنوعی داشت. همیشه لبخندهایش اینطوری بودند: گرم اما بی حال و زورکی. گفتم نه بابا! یادتون رفته امروز کجا رفته بودم از صبح؟ موسسه رانندگی ام! بالاخره تصدیقمونو گرفتیم!
مادرم با لبخند از جا بلند شد و به طرفم آمد و دو طرف صورتم را ماچ آبدار کرد و با ذوق گفت آفرین عزیز دلم! ایشالا حالا بابات برات یه ماشین میخره. مگه نه اسی؟
پدر هنوز همان نگاه گرم و لبخند ژوگوند خود را حفظ کرده بود و با اینکه هم من و هم مادرم احساس کردیم که می خواهد دیر یا زود شاید بزند زیر قولش و طبق معمول بگوید که پول ندارد و خرج زندگی بالا رفته و غیره، اما باز هم حالتمان را حفظ کردیم و جعبه شیرینی را باز کردم و هر کدام یکی دو تیکه برداشتیم و خوردیم. پدرم گفت مبارکه باباجان. ایشالا یه چیزی برات دستو پا میکنیم.
داشتم تعریف میکردم، بالاخره روزها گذشت و کفن و دفن و مراسم عزاداری هم بخوبی و خوشی و آبرومند انجام شد. البته هنوز ماشینی در کار نیست ولی همان ولووی قدیمی نارنجی رنگ پدرم که وقتی پس از تحصیلاتش در فرنگ با قسط و زور خریداری کرده بود هنوز راه میرفت و با اینکه خجالت میکشیدم در این دوره زمانه با آن پیت حلبی در خیابان رانندگی کنم ولی چاره ای نداشتم و با همان عازم بهشت زهرا شدم. کلی زجر کشیدم تا بالاخره رسیدم. نگرانی از اینکه نکند ماشین ناگهان جوش بیاورد یا خراب شود یا وسط جاده و بیابان کوفت و زهرمارش بگیرد بکنار، برایم این موضوع غریب بود که با ماشین خود مرده داشتم می رفتم برایش سنگ قبر تهیه کنم. نمیدانستم از تعجب بخندم یا سوت بکشم یا آواز بخوانم چون نمیدانم چرا هر چه زور میزدم گریه ام نمی آمد.

To Be Continued.... Maybe.