You pathetic, sociopath whore. To think of all the things I wasted on you.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Marvin thought he's loosing it when he heard whispers from behind him where he was sitting. This had been happening for a few days now. At first he thought it's the neighbor's television or conversations bleeding through the walls but it really wasn't. He started feeling sharp pains in his left shoulder. This had started from two nights ago. He generally hadn't felt so well for a month or two now. He thought maybe all that masturbation is catching up to him. He changed his thought.
He knew he had school assignments to finish but he just couldn't get around to starting or finishing them. He wondered why he doesn't like spending time on his assignments anymore while he spent twice that time or maybe even more aimlessly walking around his room, surfing the internet (mostly for downloading porn) and masturbating.
Once when he was getting ready to come while masturbating to a porno he closed his eyes and switched his thoughts towards the girl he likes so much in school. He thought about her naked and in bed with him. But suddenly it felt so bad and wrong to him that he almost lost his entire erection. So he had to start masturbating to the porno again. That was one of the worst masturbation sessions he ever had in his life.
After he came, a few tears started rolling down his eyes partly because his body hurt entirely and mostly because the thought of the girl he likes kept disturbing his momentum and concentration and it felt wrong. So wrong.
Marvin didn't know if he had fallen in love with the girl or it was just another one of his delusional episodes. One day he shoved the assignment he was busy with (for about 10 minutes) aside and started thinking to himself why he liked that particular girl so much. He tried counting down what made her so adorable to him. So hopelessly irresistible.
He couldn't do it. Not because he didn't have points to add to his list but because he hated making lists like this. It was below what he truly felt for her. It was like he didn't like the individual parts about her but as a whole she made him feel happy inside.
The voices behind his back kept talking about how to get rid of bloating corpses and amphetamines.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Marvin got out of bed at 12 pm. It seemed like he hadn't slept for ages but he still felt bad for waking up so late. He brushed his teeth and walked over to the fridge. There wasn't much in the way of a breakfast to eat so he just picked up an apple and started biting down on it.
He walked into his room by 12:30 and turned on his computer. The first thing he checked was his Email. He was expecting something from someone for a while now. But it still wasn't there. After checking the updates on a few more websites he opened up his usual porn hangout. He browsed through it like it was the most normal thing to do in the world. Lesbians, MILFs, threesomes, interracial, big boobs, small boobs, camel toe, on the bed, on the couch, in the kitchen, in the shower.
This made him horny. He opened up his porn archive on his computer, chose a simple one-on-one porn on the couch and masturbated to it. He came and it felt good for about 3 seconds and it was back to the old normal world. He cleaned himself up and went to check a few other websites he hadn't crossed for about a week now. They had nothing interesting to say. That's why he rarely checked on them. They consisted of news and hobby websites. They were mostly boring. He considered removing them from his favorites bookmark but he decided to leave them there just in case he has nothing better to do but to actually check them out.
He lighted up a cigarette and started smoking it (a bad habit he hated but could never let go of it for some reason even he didn't know about).
He wondered if he could ever make a girl he likes in school fall in love with her. the thought was pleasant to him but just like masturbation, only for about 3 or 4 seconds. Then the taste in his mouth started to turn sour because he knew that this will probably never happen.
But he was used to making up dream worlds and living inside them before they came tumbling down on his head and hurting him. And for this girl, he wouldn't mind getting hurt. He wouldn't mind at all.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
I close my eyes and I'm standing in the middle of a field. The bushes are green and the meadows are golden. The sky is cloudy and I can hear water running in a shallow river somewhere nearby. Out there in the horizon I can see rows of pine trees stretched as far as the eyes can see.
There's a gentle breeze touching my skin. It's coming from the mountains behind the rows of trees in the distance. There's some snow scattered on top of them.
There's a flock of wild deer running through the vast meadows below the hill I'm standing on top of. there's a big old tree spreading its many branches to create a large shadow beneath it. I'm standing in its shadow.
I know I have a little hut behind the hill somewhere. Where the fire is burning beneath a kettle with water inside. The wooden logs crackling gently.