"6"

Alright alright! Update:
I'm back. I barely, let me repeat that: BARELY moved my ass back into gear and now that the results are out I am unhappy but I know it's all my fault.

This semester was an apathetic hell for me. I am planning to completely turn this thing over next semester. I'm not going down baby. Not yet.

Flaccid

I find that I have less and less connection to what makes up this world as every day passes. I don't feel pity, pain, insult, humor. I look into the eyes of the people and see black holes. Lifeless mannequins.

I sometimes loose the definition of reality.

I know it's the pressure from going downhill academically since this semester started... I'm so fucked if I don't move my ass back into gear.

Wish me luck.

[EDIT]

In some moments of clarification, you understand in perfect harmony the reason and purpose of what is being denied of you. I am not talking about reaching a god.

I am talking about reaching peace with yourself. When the inner you is the outer you and both are happy.

balloon

It's sad to think you'll never be mine, it's even sadder to realize I knew it all the time.

Help...

I am so lost. I don't know what I want in life. I don't know how to meet other people's expectations. I am so scared that I will fall from the great image that people have created of me.

I feel like I am betraying myself, my body, my soul every single day. I feel worthless and pitiful. Success has no sweet taste for me anymore. Duty and passion are but fleeting ideas which barely make it out of the murk of my rusting mind.

I feel this much closer to being dead.

And everything was pouring out of me

I have lost contact with the things I thought I had in my grasp. I am hyper sensitive to people's feelings toward me. I have no ego but I play so many roles. Every person brings up a different pre-defined character in me.

You have never seen the real me.

And sometimes I think I haven't seen it myself either... 

Stench

Everything was a lie... Lies on top of lies.

But I have nobody to blame. I made up all the lies myself.

Pink

In a dream, I ran through a long street, I climbed up a tree, jumped across rooftops and found my way through a maze of fire just to see you. 3 times. Over and over again.

And every time was worth it... I was happy.

The third time I did it I didn't see you. I became so sad that I just sat there on the ground and wished to go back in time to the first time I ran to you. My wish actually came true and I was running through the street again. Back in time. And I was happy.

If I hadn't woken up last night, I would be running and climbing all night just to see you sitting there... in a long dress...

You are welcome

i have the formulas... i just don't know how to apply them.

Every... damn... day...

When will this vicious circle end? When will I stop punishing myself and feeling bad for my own delusions? I can't make it if I stay so obsessed. WHY AM I SO OBSESSED?!

I can't stop. I can't stop thinking about it... oh god why won't this stop?



Such a worthless, crazy piece of shit.

Climbing up the slippery rope

Big dreams.

What are they? We all probably have one. Some want fortune, others fame, some want peace, for some it's power.

But what is the reason? Is it because we want to matter? Or is it there just for the sake of dominance. To show our superiority to the others around us.

Behind our big dreams we hide our secrets, our darkness, our fears.

Here you go

To tell the truth, I don't hate him only because he treats you like shit.

Mostly I hate him because he got to you first.

I know I'm better than him. Yes we're different in so many ways but...

...I don't know... You'll never love me as much as I love you.

Show me if you care... please show me...

G

how could I know you care about me as much as I do for you?

Dirty mirror

I don't recognize myself anymore.

Marvin (part 3)

Marvin was dying.

He contemplated the inevitability of this reality and then went back to his masturbation. After he was done, he checked his email. He got an email from one of his friends that had random emotional pictures. One of them was of an old man lying in a hospital bed with tubes running through his nose holding a small child in his arms.

Marvin stared at the picture for a few seconds before suddenly bursting into tears. He couldn't stop crying. Something felt wrong in his head. Everything felt wrong in his head.

2 hours later a rolled a joint and smoked it all by himself. He went to the kitchen. There was the sound of a distant water pipe running behind the walls. He thought about the girl upstairs taking a shower, all naked. He didn't feel any kind of emotion. He called himself a retard and went back to his room without doing anything in particular in the kitchen.

Marvin hates listening to the neighbor's bass blasting on his walls. He tried to recognize the song they're listening to. He couldn't. This made him even more angry because he couldn't sing along with it and that just made it an annoying vibration on his wall.

Sometimes he considered pouring a tank of fuel under their door and setting it on fire. But that would just result in his own room also catching a fire. Not good. Knives and guns also seemed like too much trouble. It was either this or knocking on their door and asking them to please turn it down.

Marvin needed a good pair of headphones. 

Worms! Worms! Worms!

The identity crisis... and the sickness of self-pity. 

Waldo

Mathematically analyze the inner workings of a single sentence to find the meaning behind them... and arrive at nothing.

Good job, Waldo. Good job.

What? Where?

You're an asshole when you're not high.