Question Mark?

I am lost inside me. What you knew of me in the past few years has mostly disappeared and been rearranged.

I don't know whether the changes are good or bad. I suppose I shall only know that when I become older and, hopefully, wiser to look back at these days. But I can claim that I smell both good and flawed in what I now call life. I am still not aware of the reason for life. The only word I can come up with is: "Experience". All I am here for is to experience life. What is its purpose?

Is the experience itself the purpose? To what end? Why?

Why... that dreaded word. Seeking knowledge even though gaining more of it brings yet more sense of being completely in the dark about everything.

I really don't get it.

"6"

Alright alright! Update:
I'm back. I barely, let me repeat that: BARELY moved my ass back into gear and now that the results are out I am unhappy but I know it's all my fault.

This semester was an apathetic hell for me. I am planning to completely turn this thing over next semester. I'm not going down baby. Not yet.

Flaccid

I find that I have less and less connection to what makes up this world as every day passes. I don't feel pity, pain, insult, humor. I look into the eyes of the people and see black holes. Lifeless mannequins.

I sometimes loose the definition of reality.

I know it's the pressure from going downhill academically since this semester started... I'm so fucked if I don't move my ass back into gear.

Wish me luck.

[EDIT]

In some moments of clarification, you understand in perfect harmony the reason and purpose of what is being denied of you. I am not talking about reaching a god.

I am talking about reaching peace with yourself. When the inner you is the outer you and both are happy.

balloon

It's sad to think you'll never be mine, it's even sadder to realize I knew it all the time.

Help...

I am so lost. I don't know what I want in life. I don't know how to meet other people's expectations. I am so scared that I will fall from the great image that people have created of me.

I feel like I am betraying myself, my body, my soul every single day. I feel worthless and pitiful. Success has no sweet taste for me anymore. Duty and passion are but fleeting ideas which barely make it out of the murk of my rusting mind.

I feel this much closer to being dead.

And everything was pouring out of me

I have lost contact with the things I thought I had in my grasp. I am hyper sensitive to people's feelings toward me. I have no ego but I play so many roles. Every person brings up a different pre-defined character in me.

You have never seen the real me.

And sometimes I think I haven't seen it myself either...