Them vultures

Everybody have their own agenda. Who can you trust? Who is telling the truth?

When you live in a foreign country and have nobody but your "friends" around, that's when you'll get caught in a web of lies and presumptions and selfishness. We are all each other's pawn. We love to play god. There's this immense sense of power that comes from it. And we're ready to fuck up other people's lives because of that.

I'm sorry that we are such a failure. Most of us anyway. Enough to drag the entirety down with them. I have never wished for a miracle this hard in my life.

I don't want to be part of an evil species.

The cult of the golden sweet spot

Life. Sometimes it feels so good, doesn't it? To be able to breathe, feel, experience the world around you, to find friends, to have sex, to cum. Sometimes everything seems to just click into place for some of us while it is far from functional for some others. We all strive for a balance. A golden spot where we are firmly sitting upon the firmament of our past while looking onward towards the future ahead.

We seek tranquility and freedom. We seek to know and be known. But hardly we gain any balance for the sole reason that we want to be known more than we want to know. We want to stay in our comfort zone and believe that what we know is all that is needed to know and be able to live a fulfilling life by following a strict set of imaginary rules and regulations that we create in our mind.

What are we after really? What are we looking for? The amount of time you spend alive on this earth is absolutely insignificant compared to the amount that you shall spend dead. But does dead equal non-existence? That is to be debated and the only real way to find out is to cross the line ourselves.

But where's the hurry? We are living right now and it is the only chance we may ever get to be able to search for a meaning for it. Of course I don't think there is any unified meaning which we can all follow but each of us must find our own meaning and purpose. That is not easy to do I assure you but just like following bread crumbs, this journey could lead you to a whole new perspective on life.

So saddle up, live life, and try to say yes to things you would usually say no to.

Keep safe and live life a little. You will never get those little moments back. Go find that perfect balance, the sweet middle spot in your life and be free of excess in anything.

Question Mark?

I am lost inside me. What you knew of me in the past few years has mostly disappeared and been rearranged.

I don't know whether the changes are good or bad. I suppose I shall only know that when I become older and, hopefully, wiser to look back at these days. But I can claim that I smell both good and flawed in what I now call life. I am still not aware of the reason for life. The only word I can come up with is: "Experience". All I am here for is to experience life. What is its purpose?

Is the experience itself the purpose? To what end? Why?

Why... that dreaded word. Seeking knowledge even though gaining more of it brings yet more sense of being completely in the dark about everything.

I really don't get it.

"6"

Alright alright! Update:
I'm back. I barely, let me repeat that: BARELY moved my ass back into gear and now that the results are out I am unhappy but I know it's all my fault.

This semester was an apathetic hell for me. I am planning to completely turn this thing over next semester. I'm not going down baby. Not yet.

Flaccid

I find that I have less and less connection to what makes up this world as every day passes. I don't feel pity, pain, insult, humor. I look into the eyes of the people and see black holes. Lifeless mannequins.

I sometimes loose the definition of reality.

I know it's the pressure from going downhill academically since this semester started... I'm so fucked if I don't move my ass back into gear.

Wish me luck.

[EDIT]

In some moments of clarification, you understand in perfect harmony the reason and purpose of what is being denied of you. I am not talking about reaching a god.

I am talking about reaching peace with yourself. When the inner you is the outer you and both are happy.

balloon

It's sad to think you'll never be mine, it's even sadder to realize I knew it all the time.