Help...

I am so lost. I don't know what I want in life. I don't know how to meet other people's expectations. I am so scared that I will fall from the great image that people have created of me.

I feel like I am betraying myself, my body, my soul every single day. I feel worthless and pitiful. Success has no sweet taste for me anymore. Duty and passion are but fleeting ideas which barely make it out of the murk of my rusting mind.

I feel this much closer to being dead.

And everything was pouring out of me

I have lost contact with the things I thought I had in my grasp. I am hyper sensitive to people's feelings toward me. I have no ego but I play so many roles. Every person brings up a different pre-defined character in me.

You have never seen the real me.

And sometimes I think I haven't seen it myself either... 

Stench

Everything was a lie... Lies on top of lies.

But I have nobody to blame. I made up all the lies myself.

Pink

In a dream, I ran through a long street, I climbed up a tree, jumped across rooftops and found my way through a maze of fire just to see you. 3 times. Over and over again.

And every time was worth it... I was happy.

The third time I did it I didn't see you. I became so sad that I just sat there on the ground and wished to go back in time to the first time I ran to you. My wish actually came true and I was running through the street again. Back in time. And I was happy.

If I hadn't woken up last night, I would be running and climbing all night just to see you sitting there... in a long dress...

You are welcome

i have the formulas... i just don't know how to apply them.

Every... damn... day...

When will this vicious circle end? When will I stop punishing myself and feeling bad for my own delusions? I can't make it if I stay so obsessed. WHY AM I SO OBSESSED?!

I can't stop. I can't stop thinking about it... oh god why won't this stop?



Such a worthless, crazy piece of shit.

Climbing up the slippery rope

Big dreams.

What are they? We all probably have one. Some want fortune, others fame, some want peace, for some it's power.

But what is the reason? Is it because we want to matter? Or is it there just for the sake of dominance. To show our superiority to the others around us.

Behind our big dreams we hide our secrets, our darkness, our fears.